Just Can't Remember
by Lavasharks
Summary: Must not cough. Fifteen seconds. I should try Sugarcube Corner. Should try to find water. Twenty seconds. The pain... never ends... twenty-five seconds...


He didn't remember how long he'd been awake. He only felt the throbbing pain in his head preventing him from doing so.

Oftentimes he would lose his memory and track of time, forgetting things he just did or forced his mind to remember.

The dust storm raged on, blinding him momentarily. He fought back a cough; he didn't want to risk opening his mouth to his terrible environment. The dead air filled with chemicals unbearable.

_Must not cough. Fifteen seconds. I should try Sugarcube Corner. Should try to find water. Twenty seconds. The pain... never ends... twenty-five seconds._

Forcing his muscles to move, he left his chair he'd set up outside the Carousel Boutique. He looked up and tried in vain to find the sun, but he knew it was pointless. Princess Celestia was long dead and the sun never rose. There was only an endless void of amber darkness that swallowed everything and left no mercy.

_Fucking darkness. Leg is numb. Must continue. Forty seconds._

His lungs ached for breath. He needed to breath. _Can't breath_, he kept reminding himself.

He could bear it no longer. Running into a building, he inhaled deeply and took in the rancid air. Small grains of dust made way into his lungs. His eyes burned and watered.

_Damn pain. My leg. Forty seconds. Wait, that can't be right. My head..._

He hated this. His forgetfulness. Filled him with anger and fear. He felt like a caged animal. He decided to see Fluttershy again.

He limped there. His numb leg still throbbing in rhythm to his head.

_300 seconds and I got there! Damn air... heh... heheh..._

He didn't need to open Fluttershy's door: it was already broken off it's hinges. Entering, he was hit with the smell of rotten food and something decaying. He loved that smell. A pony could get used to anything if it had to.

_Heheh... I'm home... My home..._

"Fluttershy!" He yelled with a raspy voice, "I'm hooooome!"

He found Fluttershy already seated at the table, a smile formed upon her face.

He smiled and deeply kissed her, wrapping a hoof around her neck.

"Did you pick up Soft Whisper from school?" He said, "She, never got back... is she staying over at Twilight's?"

Silence.

"So listen Shy..." he said caressing her cold hoof, "I need you to tell me my name. I forget every day, so I get a new one often..."

Silence.

"...Rarity told me my name should be Cinnamon Swirl, can you believe her?" He chuckled. "It's such a fucking stupid name..."

Silence.

He felt the anger boil up inside, but chose to not react.

"What do you mean you want to see Pinkie Pie? Why do you wanna see her? She told me she hates you now." His throat ached. "Is dinner ready yet?"

Fluttershy didn't respond. She continued to stare with smile.

He finally snapped again. He got up in her face and screamed.

"I KILLED HER, FLUTTERSHY! I SAW HER GET RIPPED TO PIECES! ATOM BY ATOM TORN FROM HER BODY!"

Silence.

"No... Twilight should be at the library," he said with sarcasm. "You know it's just us now... you KNOW this. Why haven't you made dinner? FUCKING ANSWER MEEE!"

He punched her with enough force to sever her head from the rest of her skeleton. The bones clanking to the floor with a dead echo that could be heard all around. Looking at her dry skeleton, he glared daggers at the dead body.

"You know what? Fine. Ignore me. I'm going to find more ponies. Five seconds. Goodbye, Shy. Talk to me when you're not in a bad mood."

He left the table in anger. Exiting the house, he was met with a larger dust storm. Some dirt and muck hit him in the face, making him stagger back inside.

"Damn... looks like I need to stay here for today..."

Silence.

"Do you... Wanna go upstairs...?"

Silence. Terrifying silence.

He narrowed his eyes at Fluttershy's corpse. "Fine. Goodnight." he said with anger and hurt in his voice.

* * *

><p>In his dream he saw a memory. A pony, wait, a colt to be specific. Brown mane with a red streak running through it. This colt was holding blueprints in his hooves, a twisted smile curved on his lips.<p>

"Heheh... finally... finally it's done, hahahaha... **IT'S FINALLY DONE!**" The mad pony rambled. His face, mane and coat dirty from lack of bathing or sleeping. Dried drool stained his lips and chin.

"Stop him!" yelled the voices in his head, "He's trying to kill us all! Stop him!"

"NO!" yelled the madpony. "No... I'm going to save **YOU**. I'm going to save you ALL! **DON'T YOU TRY TO STOP ME!**"

* * *

><p>The colt, now awake, went downstairs. He turned his head to Fluttershy's skeleton before heading out.<p>

"I'm going out, Shy. Love ya! Tell Soft Whisper daddy will be out the whole day."

Leaving Fluttershy's house, he turned northeast to the other houses. He entered the first one he saw.

"Hey Lyra! Hey BonBon! I'm going to borrow some of your stuff, okay?"

He didn't receive a response of course. Everypony was dead. Everypony except him, and he couldn't remember why.

He felt the seething rage again. "**LYRA!** I KNOW YOU'RE UPSTAIRS! ANSWER MEEEE! WHAT. IS. MY. NAME?"

He didn't even wait for an answer. He knew he wouldn't find a voice. There were only voices in his head.

Walking over to the countertop, the colt retrieved a large knife. He pressed the knife against his chest and felt the cold handle.

_How easy it would be to end it all. Living every day knowing you could die any second. Life shows no mercy, why should I?_

The colt threw the knife against the wall and heard it clank loudly against the wall. When he heard this, it made him realize how uncomfortably quiet it was.

Silence.

He made his way upstairs. Should he open the door? He had to find supplies, so...

He put a hoof to the cold dusty door and pushed. It fell off it's hinges and landed in front of him.

Panic set in when he found his two friends dead in each other's arms. The skeleton of Lyra being clutched by the corpse of BonBon. Their facial expressions... BonBon... shreds of skin dangling...

The Colt opened his mouth and vomited in the corner. He was usually used to seeing dead bodies... wasn't he? He couldn't remember.

Walking over to the bed which had the corpses. Salty tears in his eyes, choking back saliva, he bent his head in prayer.

It was quiet. Not a sound. It was unbearable. Living in silence so long.

_I should have kept Luna alive. Have somepony I can relate to. One hundred fifteen seconds._

He walked to the table and took a pen. The one at Fluttershy's ran out of ink. He wrote a quick note on his leg for reference.

_If a sane pony is surrounded by lunatics, is HE the madpony?_

Hunger set in. His least favorite part of the day. Finding food was almost impossible.

He left, but not without saying goodbye to his two dead friends. Leaving the house, he made for the Sugarcube Corner.

His mind, while in pieces, slowly formed memories very slowly. This process always hurt his head. Eternal pain. He would have preferred to experience it comatose.

* * *

><p>"But he couldn't win, you see." said Rarity. "My great grandfather was a madpony. He would do anything for love, and take it a step further."<p>

The Colt was intrigued with this story. "How did he win the race then? If he couldn't gallop because of his leg, how did he win?"

Rarity smiled. "Well as you recall, the race ends when somepony touches the mare - my future great grandmother."

He laughed. "Stop teasing! How'd that slowpoke win?"

"My dear friend," said Rarity, "My great grandfather was a madpony. You see, **he cut off his own hoof** and, with his remaining strength, threw it into the crowd, hitting my great grandmother. He touched her, and received his grand prize."

The Colt winced. "Geeze, that sounds painful. At least he won right?"

Rarity beamed. "Of course darling! Soon after they married, eloped and had my parents. They lived in Trottingham and raised me there until I came to Ponyville with a passion."

"Fashion?"

"No, becoming the greatest fashion designer in all of Equestria!"

Just then Rainbow Dash flew into the room.

"It's Fluttershy! She's having her foal! We need to get to the hospital now!"

* * *

><p>After that memory, he smiled.<p>

_Your great grandfather is a lot like me, Rarity. Too bad I had to kill your dreams..._

He had arrived at Sugarcube Corner. Before stepping inside, he looked at the neighborhood. Some buildings were completely blown apart. Others were twisted and bent out of shape. Many broken windows and parts, huge holes and dead bodies...

Ignoring it, he walked in. Mr. and Mrs. Cake were already there to greet him.

"Morning. Can I have a muffin please?"

Silence.

The word muffin brought back another memory fragment. A mailmare... And... Crossed eyes...

* * *

><p>"Mail's here!" said a walleyed pegasus pony. The Colt loved receiving mail from this mailmare. She made him smile. There was no way he hurt her.<p>

"Thanks! Fly safe, okay?"

"Okay!"

He stepped inside and looked at his mail. Bill. Bill. A letter from Fluttershy?

He read it. She wanted to schedule a meeting in the park! The letter goes on about this "not being a date. Unless... He wants it to be... Then that's fine..."

He smiled.

* * *

><p>Back to reality, his patience was wearing thin. "GET. ME. A MUFFIN."<p>

But the arranged skeletons of the shop owners annoyed him. He pulled off Mr. Cake's head and slammed it down, shattering the skull.

"I'll get it myself, you useless ponies..."

Retrieving a stale muffin, he bit into it. His tooth shattered and blood filled his mouth.

"You know..." he said bleeding, "Maybe you guys would have more customers if you were better servers. Don't you get tired of serving Pinkie's friend's every day?"

A memory of Pinkie Pie wouldn't materialize in his head. His thoughts of her made his head ache more and impaired his thinking. His mind restricted access to certain memories.

He spit blood in Mrs. Cake's face. "Hey, am I a bad pony?"

Silence.

He nodded. "True. I've killed ponies. But I don't remember how. Something... big. Something... FORGET IT!"

He flipped the table, making a loud crash echo throughout the block.

"I'm not hungry anymore..."

He left went southwest to Twilight's house. He always did enjoy reading, and this hobby often kept him occupied.

"Twilight!" he yelled, "Got any books by SoundofRainfall?"

Silence.

"Twilight, if I have to get it myself, **I'm going to kill you.**"

He chuckled, realizing the irony in what he said. Retrieving four books and another pen, he left without another word.

Dropping the things off at his house, he relaxed there for a bit. Fluttershy was in the same position as before, unmoved and not moving.

"Shy, you look sick!"

Dragging her headless body upstairs, he lay it onto the bed. Closing the door behind him, he lay in bed with Fluttershy.

"Been a while since we've had some alone time, right?"

Silence.

"Oh sure, **NOW** you say that. Heheh... we sound like my parents..."

* * *

><p>He went to a shop about an hour later for some punch.<p>

A smile on his face, he causally walked there, his leg feeling better but his head still pained. His mind still shattered.

Three bottles. Plenty. He drank one in about eight seconds.

_Nine seconds. Forty-eight seconds. Ninety-seven seconds. One hundred seven seconds. Three hundred fifteen seconds._

He found Berry Punch by the drinks section of course. Tried to make idle conversation. She wouldn't talk to him. Was she mad at him? He left her cold clammy body where he found it.

A radio. He found a radio. Scrambling to his hooves, he haphazardly galloped over to the radio and picked it up. Dropping it, he fell to it and tried to find a signal in the static.

***kssssshhhhhhhh***

No reception. Must get to higher ground. He left the shop with the radio between his teeth. He had to get to a roof that wasn't destroyed. Maybe he could-

And then The Colt fell down, trying in vain to bear the pain his head was in.

**"AAAAAAHH! OH CELESTIA, THE PAIN! MAKE IT FUCKING STOP!"**

* * *

><p>Again he saw the unicorn colt with a brown mane, the red streak resting in front of his eye. He was laughing his insane laugh.<p>

"Heheh... THIS IS THE REDEMPTION DAY EVERYBODY! GO AWAY FROM ME! STAY AWAY FROM ME! GO AWAAYYY! HAHAHAHA... You can't touch me now... You see this button here?" he told himself, "I'm gonna press it!"

And then it happened. It finally happened. The screams were heard. Then the bomb fell. Then Ponyville and Canterlot were wiped off the map. Pinkie was the first to go. She was tied to the nuke.

* * *

><p>Slowly The Colt's mind pieced itself back together. The pain in his head subsided and his vision became sharper as a single thought loomed in his head.<p>

_I just remembered... I'm the one who killed them all. I survived after the fall..._

Then it happened. Ponies. Ponies in hazmat suits grabbing him. He dropped the radio. His precious radio.

"**NO!**"

The ponies still grabbed him. He was yanked away by the large red streak in his hair. He couldn't fight them. Getting weaker...

"I have to go back..."

* * *

><p>"New patient."<p>

"Really?"

"Yeah. Poor bastard was found running around outside Ponyville, bleeding all over the damn place..."

The unicorn doctor checked his pager. "Hold on, I'll get back to you in a second, okay?"

The other unicorn laughed. "Prepare for the news..."

The unicorn doctor went into a room. His supervisor was already seated with some coffee.

"Hey boss."

"Hello Cinnamon. Please take a seat."

"Is this about the new mental patient?"

"Yes."

The supervisor pulled out a file and skimmed it. "I understand he was found roaming Ponyville talking into a broken radio. Jelly said he looked like the colt who caused the bomb-"

"DON'T. Talk about that... please..."

The Supervisor was quiet. "Right... Well, he was found bloodied and dirty. We have him in the ward now."

"Anything notable he did?"

"Well, just during the interview."

The unicorn leaned in a bit. "What did he do?"

"Just weird ass mumbling. Something about the "voices" and how we was sorry for something, whispering "it wasn't my fault." over and over again. During the interview he tried to kill a guard. We brought him to the infirmiry, but it wasn't until we got back that we realized the patient had **scratched out his own eyes**."

"...You're kidding..."

"No. These ponies just get sicker and sicker... anyway, we admitted him to the institution. He's here now, and he'll be here as long as it takes to fix him."

The unicorn got up to leave, but a question was gnawing at him in the back of his mind. He turned back around.

"Hey... why do they act like that?"

The supervisor looked up. "Hm?"

"Why do they act like lunatics? Doing crazy shit like that? What makes them crazy?"

The supervisor thought for a moment before responding.

"_Well, if a sane pony is surrounded by lunatics, is HE the madpony?_ He could have been perfectly fine, you know. If you think about it, the mind is like a machine. It needs to be cared for. Because you make ONE mistake, a screw comes loose, and the whole thing won't function properly. It's a scary thought, knowing your mind can snap in the blink of an eye. You know what I mean?"

Silence.


End file.
